May 29th

It is so strange, Last year I saw my brother at his graduation and this year I see him being his best friends groomsmen at his wedding. The ceremony was spectacular. Right on the lake and her dress looked like it was out of a fairy tale. The little white chairs, and the pink and lavender colored flowers made it look so simple and elegant. I miss my brother.

May26th- a Thursday

Yesterday, we just talked :)

This might help you fall asleep.

:)

May 25th- a wednesday

I have never seen him sick or be in pain before. I dont like it at all. All I can think about is him, and how I want to do everything I can to make it better. I would stay up all night just to make sure that if he wakes up I would be there to hold him. He isn't dying, and will get better soon. But watching someone you care so much about feel the slightest bit of pain, you feel it too and you will do everything you physically and possibly can for them. Travis, you know if you need anything, Il be over in a heartbeat.

.....

I want kisses on my back. I want kisses on my cheeks. I want to wrap my legs around you. I want to lie in bed all day, just you and I. Just sheets and us. I want to fall in love. Just once. Just you

.....

I love you for now for what we've already shared. and I love you now in anticipation of whats to come. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I miss you already, but Im sure in my heart that you'll be with me always. In the days I spent with you, you became my dream.

Today

I want to wash your hair with shampoo that smells like fruit - mango and strawberries. I want to walk on beach with you dragging a big stick behind us. I want to kiss saltwater form your lips. I want us to listen to music with our eyes closed. I want to dream about finding shipwrecks in the pacific and try to find them. I want to have picnics on our bed and crawl under the sheets that smell like summer because we left the windows open while we were gone. I want to walk in the night with you and marvel at the stars and try to find the moon behind the trees. I want all the sweet things in life. But only by your side.

May 24th- a tuesday

Yesterday we barely saw each other, school is getting overwhelmingly stressful, and as much as we just want to run up and hold each other, were being productive and getting it done. This summer is going to amazing. My goal is to have us both stress free and living easy. What could be better?

May 23rd- a Monday

He finally got home, after what seemed like a decade. I know...it was only 4 days. He came over for a family dinner after flying home from building houses in Mexico. As bad as I felt for him having to put on a smile and make conversation, my family ended up loving him just as much as I do. He luckily missed the chaotic few hours before hand, where I almost lit the house on fire because the match reached my finger tips and I panicked and threw it across the table. He missed me having to chase around my little cousin because he thought worms from outside would make a good pet. He missed the wet dog running through the house and my mom freaking out because we had a strawberry shortage. In the end, we finally got to just be in each others arms, close enough for me to hear him breathing, and feel his heart beating. There is no other feeling such as that, where everything is right. He even made me tell him what I wrote in my book, even though I was worried it would send him running, he told me that he liked it because it showed how much I care about him. He really will never be able to know just how much, but I try and show him everyday. Even if were miles apart, I can still hear his love.

Iv had to keep myself busy with him not being here, or else I get so caught up in his absence that I feel lost in my mind, with words and emotions tying up my energy. Its only been 4 days, but when hes gone it feels like a lifetime. I’m ready for summer. I’m ready to wake up in the morning, the warm breeze drifting through open windows, sheer curtains dancing, dusting the wooden floor. The smell of salt wafting through the ocean air, scented candles flickering, the scent of honeydew and lemongrass. Rolling out of bed, a floral quilt, pastel colors of Easter egg lavender, ballet slipper pink, dusted with bits of sand crystal. Mermaid hair styled by ocean tides. Sun rays beat down, leaving loose curls and lemon streaks throughout. Waking up, warm skin a shade of cinnamon, entire days spent in a bikini and knotted up old tee. Friends slowly roll of out bed, mugs overflowing with coffee, vanilla, cream dripping down glass pitchers leaving rings on antique tables. Scooters, a rusted sea-foam green bike, chipped skateboards down small town streets. Grilled chicken, sour lime squeezed over pico de gallo. Fresh corn tortillas. Packing straw bags with terry-cloth towels, sunscreen, sunglasses. Sun-hats shield squinted eyes, the ocean glitters like silver sequins. Building a tent under thin white sheets, crisp and floating above. Surfers glide and flip through crashing waves. Night falls and heat lingers on the hot pavement. In the kitchen making margaritas, crushing ice, laughing as the blender sends a hale of snow flying into pans. Garlic bread in the oven, a pot of spicy tomato sauce bubbling on the stove. Oregano, basil, marjoram, pepper. Showering outside, leaving bikinis scattered on the tile floor, across sink faucets, hanging in the shower. Days and nights melt together to form one lasting memory. You never can tell when one day stops and the next begins. Obligations are forgotten, and the time of day drifts away.

I created a collection of items I think are necessary for this summer.

May 20th- a friday

He's gone today. I woke up to that empty feeling, I cant be who I could be-who I am when im with you. I geuss I will just be.

May 19th- a thursday

Today me and him wondered through chinook, his computer is slowly taking a turn for the worse, and after having it diagnosed as a piece of unfixable shit, we found ourselves in a high end jewellery store where we felt out of place (we didnt 4 grand in our pockets) They even had a buzzer.
Of course after that we both got really hungry and of course, couldnt decide what to eat. So we wondered through safeway and while I was peeing myself due to him taking in a racial accent, we found some pizza, took it and ran.
No just kidding we paid.
To my surprise my family had put off dishes yet again and so me and him scrubbed down yesterdays pots and my parents ecsessive amounts of wine glasses. He tried to read my diary type thing, but I always caught him before he could. Maybe one day I will read it to you.
We then attempted to watch a movie but because a movie comes second to our physical desires we literally dropped the ball on that one.... Like my computer actually fell on the ground. We got creative- cream...who knew!
After I tired him out, we went and got slurpees. He let me drive.....
I dont think he knew how nervous I really was, my feet were shaking everytime I laid my foot on the gas. It hit me that I was in control, and I freaked out just a tiny bit. Once I got us there alive, I realized how much fun it was and having that control is something I really like.
We drove around looking at houses that were ridiculously large and amazing. I now understand my moms obsession with it..
Then we found ourselves back at my house, we made our way downstairs and just talked, I love just talking. Whatever comes to mind, I love listening to his ideas, and dreams.
Sadly, he had to go, and is leaving for Mexico tomorrow. BUT DONT WORRY I WILL SEE YOU THERE. Its only 2989.24 miles by highway.
We kissed goodbye, well... more like I kept kissing him trying to make him stay..... but I like to think it was mutual.

Another day with you- another day where I get to fall in love with you over and over again, even more than yesterday.

I suppose I have not written in this for a while. I got bored and realized my life is too awesome to write about and then have no one read. So here is what I have decided to do, I am going to write down starting today everything that me and Travis do. Memories will always be better, but what if I got that crazy disease where that girl drives into a tree and forgets everyday and what happened. .... (bad)

crazy girl, I wouldnt dream of goin no where.