Im tired, and a little distressed. And I work too hard, and long and im angry. All the time. Because of money, and I feel like I could be doing more. But im tired and frustrated. And I wish you would remind yourselves your doing your best. Mom and dad, you are doing your best.

Tell me about the dream where we pull our bodies out of the lake and dress them in warm clothing again. How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running until they forget that they are horses. Its not like a tree where the roots have to end somehwere, its more like a song on a radio, how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance and the days were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple to slice into pieces. Look at the light through the window pane. That means its noon, that means were inconsolable. Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me how we'll never get used to it.

Thank you for being there, always. Thank you for holding me when I cry. Thank you for sharing your secrets. Thank you for making me feel alive everyday. Thank you for coming into my life at the perfect moment. Thank you for catching me just as I was about to fall. Thank you for loving me every single day.

oh my goodness.

I dont just love you, I adore and admire your indescribable, unfathomable beauty to a heart-felt depth you will never possibly understand.

Sometimes I feel like im a butterfly and people are trying to put me on a leash and take me for a walk.

When you see them diving and surfacing there is a certain grace, a feeling of triumph. Their slick bodies twist through the funnel of the sea, reach toward the sky; with flippers outstretched, they rise from the pits of the ocean like the second coming of Christ. But the humpbacks sing songs that fill you to the core, that swell inside you. They are the the kind of songs that haunt the sound of your heart beating when you are afraid. I wish I really knew what it was like to be in their presence.

99 things I love about you.

1. Your smile.
2. When you make noises when your concentrating.
3. When we sing together.
4. Your big, brown eyes. And how the sun hits them and makes them look honey colored.
5. The crinkles in your nose you get when you smile really hard.
6. Your ears. How they curve, how they’re so sensitive.
7. How you laugh at things even when you’re the only one who thinks it’s funny.
8. How you always ask me what I want to do first.
9. Your voice. Comforting and strong. Never harsh or uninviting. I can listen to you talk and be completely enthralled by every word.
10. How we never argue.
11. How you agree with me when Im wrong, just to make me feel right.
12. Your hands.
13. How you try to pull away when I kiss you.
14. When you tell me you love me.
15. When you tell me you miss me.
16. How you walk.
17. How you whisper.
18. The way you pout and stare at me until I can’t help but smile.
19. The way you hug me.
20. Your confidence.
21. Your ability to make friends easily.
22. The way you keep your cool.
23. How you’re never awkward.
24. How you know how to calm me down.
25. The way my dog likes you more than me.
26. How your skin feels.
27. The hats you always wear.
28. Your v line.
29. Your teeth.
30. How you run your hands through your hair and it stays messy.
31. When you get me in the mood.
32. The way you say im beautiful.
33. The way you smell after you shower.
34. When you laugh at me, even if what I did was unintentional.
35. How I can feel pretty around you no matter what, you bring out the best in me.
36. Your sense of adventure.
37. How you let me drive your truck.
38. Your deep voice when you yell.
39. How you have a sensitive side.
40. Your breathing.
41. How you’re happy for me when I come to you with good news.
42. Driving in your car with you. I always feel safe.
43. How you think your asian.
44. The way you rap.
45. The way you tease me.
46. How any country song makes me think of you.
47. Our conversations. Especially when they effortlessly flow.
48. Your fore arms.
49. The way you like my weird habits.
50. The way you look when your just starring at me.
51. The way you stick out your chewed up food when you eat.
52. How you drop your gum. And I always pick it up.
53. :I
54. How soft your hair is.
55. How you sing about whatever your thinking of. " your hair is brown and I drive a truck"
56. How you support me.
57. How you caught never judge me.
58. How you motivate me to be a better person, and to do what I know is right.
59. How you can make me smile pretty much every second I’m with you.
60. " want to go out?" sure. " so you dont?"
61. How we can be lazy together and not get bored.
62. the way you say certain words.
63. How you listen to me when I talk.
64. The way you feel when your sweaty.
65. How you always ended up with more blanket than me when we woke up in the morning.
66. How you have so many dreams, and your not in a rush to do any.
67. Your smell.
68. How you look when you read and bite your nails.
69. The little sounds you make when you’re tired or sleeping.
70. How when I sleep with you, I fall asleep in your arms, and wake up in your arms.
71. Your shoes. You offered them to me once.
72. How you look when you drive.
73. Your respect towards my family.
74. How secretly... your scared of my rabbit.
75. The way you held my hand in public, those very few times.
76. The way your face looks when your tricking me into believing something.
77. The way you feel like my best friend.
78. The way you make me fall in love over and over again everyday.
79. How moments when were doing nothing, ends up being the best part of my day.
80. How you have stayed up with me.
81. How you look when you’re tired. It makes me want to comfort you and tuck you in and make sure you fall asleep before I do.
82. How you want to be there for me no matter what.
83. The way you take your shirt off.
84. The way you tell stories.
85. How you never let me think less of myself.
86. When you say I love you, I melt every time.
87. How others have said my eyes light up when I see you.
88. How just by walking into a room, I suddenly see no one else.
89. How you know all my secrets.
90. How your lips feel against mine.
91. The way you whistle for me.
92. The way you put up with my whining and complaining, because you know im just tired.
93. How you kiss my forehead.
94. How you watched my favorite TV shows with me.
95. How you look when your anxious.
96. The way you make me feel so lucky.
97. How your the only person I want.
98. Most importantly, how you make me feel.
99. The way you’re completely oblivious to all of these.

June 1st

Im actually a mermaid.

May 29th

It is so strange, Last year I saw my brother at his graduation and this year I see him being his best friends groomsmen at his wedding. The ceremony was spectacular. Right on the lake and her dress looked like it was out of a fairy tale. The little white chairs, and the pink and lavender colored flowers made it look so simple and elegant. I miss my brother.

May26th- a Thursday

Yesterday, we just talked :)

This might help you fall asleep.

:)

May 25th- a wednesday

I have never seen him sick or be in pain before. I dont like it at all. All I can think about is him, and how I want to do everything I can to make it better. I would stay up all night just to make sure that if he wakes up I would be there to hold him. He isn't dying, and will get better soon. But watching someone you care so much about feel the slightest bit of pain, you feel it too and you will do everything you physically and possibly can for them. Travis, you know if you need anything, Il be over in a heartbeat.

.....

I want kisses on my back. I want kisses on my cheeks. I want to wrap my legs around you. I want to lie in bed all day, just you and I. Just sheets and us. I want to fall in love. Just once. Just you

.....

I love you for now for what we've already shared. and I love you now in anticipation of whats to come. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I miss you already, but Im sure in my heart that you'll be with me always. In the days I spent with you, you became my dream.

Today

I want to wash your hair with shampoo that smells like fruit - mango and strawberries. I want to walk on beach with you dragging a big stick behind us. I want to kiss saltwater form your lips. I want us to listen to music with our eyes closed. I want to dream about finding shipwrecks in the pacific and try to find them. I want to have picnics on our bed and crawl under the sheets that smell like summer because we left the windows open while we were gone. I want to walk in the night with you and marvel at the stars and try to find the moon behind the trees. I want all the sweet things in life. But only by your side.

May 24th- a tuesday

Yesterday we barely saw each other, school is getting overwhelmingly stressful, and as much as we just want to run up and hold each other, were being productive and getting it done. This summer is going to amazing. My goal is to have us both stress free and living easy. What could be better?

May 23rd- a Monday

He finally got home, after what seemed like a decade. I know...it was only 4 days. He came over for a family dinner after flying home from building houses in Mexico. As bad as I felt for him having to put on a smile and make conversation, my family ended up loving him just as much as I do. He luckily missed the chaotic few hours before hand, where I almost lit the house on fire because the match reached my finger tips and I panicked and threw it across the table. He missed me having to chase around my little cousin because he thought worms from outside would make a good pet. He missed the wet dog running through the house and my mom freaking out because we had a strawberry shortage. In the end, we finally got to just be in each others arms, close enough for me to hear him breathing, and feel his heart beating. There is no other feeling such as that, where everything is right. He even made me tell him what I wrote in my book, even though I was worried it would send him running, he told me that he liked it because it showed how much I care about him. He really will never be able to know just how much, but I try and show him everyday. Even if were miles apart, I can still hear his love.